Follow by Email - You Know You Want To

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Fat Free and Suck Full

I was perusing through Trader Joe's today (yes, I know...it is a little hippie, but they have good, cheap wine and amazing food...SHOP THERE) and I was having a hard time finding regular, full o' fat sour cream.  I found it, but it got me thinking.  There are certain things in life that are not meant to be low fat or fat free.  Let's do a list.
  1. Ice Cream - There is "cream" in the name.  Low fat ice cream sucks.  Stop...it sucks.  I am a huge advocate of healthy, delicious, fresh food, but ice CREAM is not that.  If you are dieting or trying to watch your weight (and I support each and every person out there attempting to live a healthier life) eat two tablespoons of real, decadent ice cream instead of the cup of low fat crap. You will thank me, and be less resentful to your diet.
  2. Mayonnaise - What on God's green earth is fat free mayonnaise?  Mayo has three ingredients. Eggs, oil and vinegar.  You CANNOT have fat free mayonnaise.  It might be something else, but it is NOT mayo. And, it also sucks. Dieting? Suck it up and choose one of the 400 types of wonderful mustard for your sandwich. Or...
    1.  Take a small piece of your dry sandwich, put mayo on it.  Put a fantastic mustard on the rest.  Eat the mustard-y sandwich and save that amazing mayo-y part for the last, wonderful bite.
  3. Cheese - Again, fat free cheese is awful.  The one thing that goes best with wine is cheese.  So, if you disgrace cheese by removing anything about it (in this case, fat) you are disgracing wine.  I am angry just thinking about that.  If you have only had the cheese that you get in the refrigerated case of the grocery store next to the pickles, you are missing out on an incredible piece of life.  Eat a good smoked gouda, a Humbolt Fog,a Point Reyes Bleu, a sharp cheddar, and a list that goes on and on.  Take chevre, drizzle honey on it and a (SLIGHT) sprinkle of truffle salt, bake and spread on a french baguette. Once again, you are welcome.  If you are dieting, order everything without cheese.  Instead, have two or three bites of really great cheese.
  4. Half and Half - Brittney, I love you more than I could ever, ever express in words, but Fat Free Half and Half does not exist.  Let's begin with what half and half is.  It is half milk and half CREAM.  There is no such thing as fat free cream.  Therefore.......WTH?  According to Rob, it is harder to understand than "Inception".  Cream has fat, so if you have fat free cream, it is NOT cream.  If you are dieting, have fat free milk in your coffee.  At least it is honest about what it is.
Wow...I am pretty much a good Samaritan tonight.  Not only have I saved you all from the dumpster fire that is "fat free" food but I have ALSO given you tips on how to enjoy the foods you love and still stay healthy. 

Food should be enjoyed and celebrated.  Have a beautiful and delicious night!

No comments:

Post a Comment